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The Burning Questions All Cats Have

Human, I am NOT amused!
By Rocky Williams, Feline Guest Blogger

Someone declared that one day in January would be National Answer your Cat’s Questions Day. Who? I don’t know, and because I’m a lazy cat, I won’t look it up on that weird thing you humans call the Web. The only web I care about has juicy spiders dangling from it…but I digress.

Now, we all know it’s every human’s job to try to figure out exactly what your cat wants so you can go about meeting his demands post haste. Hence, I think dedicating a day to answering your cat’s questions is a great idea. I tip my furry paw to the person who came up with that one! It just might help you in your never-ending quest to make your cat happy. Which is your number one job, am I right?

Ok. Never mind that National Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day was in January, and today is the first of February. I couldn’t let that hinder getting some answers to the burning questions I’m sure all cats have. I asked the Warden for a little Q & A time, and ever the dutiful cat lady, she complied.

Rocky: Why do you put my bag of FELIDAE kibble in the cupboard, where I can’t get to it whenever I want a snack?
Warden: That’s precisely the point, Rocky. You’d “snack” 24/7 if I let you, and your handsome man-cat body would turn to flab. Not to mention, this would blow my pet food budget to smithereens.

Rocky: Why do you get so hopping mad when I try to steal a teeny tiny morsel of food off your plate? Haven’t you ever heard of sharing?
Warden: If I shared my food every time you wanted something I was eating, I’d waste away to nothing!

Rocky: Why do you talk to me in that silly high pitched voice? I’m a cat, not a baby!
Warden: Because you’re adorable, and I can’t help myself. Every human who spends time with a cute cat will eventually succumb to “baby” talk.

Rocky: Why do you wave that Da Bird feather thing around all the time? You know we know it’s not real, right?
Warden: You do? You sure don’t act like you know it’s fake. Anyway, you need exercise, and it’s not like I can take you for a walk around the block on a leash.

Rocky: Why must you always interrupt my naptime by demanding petting?
Warden: Oh come on. You know you like that. I even heard you purr once. Besides, your naptime lasts all day long. Surely you can spare five minutes of your precious time?

Rocky: Why do you chastise me when I lay on your chest in bed?
Warden: Well, first of all, no one likes a furry butt in their face! Secondly, even when you’re facing the right way, you’re so heavy you nearly knock the wind out of me!

Rocky: Why do you blow that whistle in my face when I snoopervise from the kitchen counter?
Warden: I don’t need your help preparing food, thank you very much. And kitty litter feet do not belong on the counter!

Rocky: Why do you always laugh when I make biscuits on your pillow?
Warden: Because you look hilarious when you do that!  I told everyone that you had to marry that pillow because you were getting so fresh with it. :-)

Rocky: Hey, that’s not funny!
Warden: Oh yes it is.

Kitties, do you have any burning questions you’d like answered?

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